Pendulum in My Hand
by Sion0083
Summary: Years ago Squall and Rinoa said goodbye and took different paths in life. One that led to success, another that led to redemption. But meeting again after so much change...is time too sour to make amends and forgive the one you hurt for past mistakes?


**Chapter 1: Twist of Fate**

_**Three years ago...**_

_**Squall, **_

_**These past four years have been amazing. Please believe me when I say that. You and I have experienced so much together. We've done so much together. You have to be the most amazing person I've ever known in my entire life... but...**_

_**Squall, I think it's just time we move on. I...I hate doing this. Writing this to you seems so cowardly, but I can't think of any other way to say this. Garden is important to you...I understand that, I do...I just...I just need to become my own person now. I have to find my own way in life and stop being that girl you rescued all those years ago. I have to grow up now, Squall. This has to be my decision. I have to do it. I never meant to hurt you, this whole thing isn't to hurt you...I just have to do this for me. As you have to become General for you. Please understand that. Please know that I will never stop loving you. You will always be close to me even if we are a thousand miles away. **_

_**I'm sorry, Squall. Don't try to stop me...don't try to come and get me. Let's just make this see you again someday instead of goodbye, okay?. **_

_**Love always and forever, **_

_**Rinoa **_

_**

* * *

**_

He stared at the words a million times. He read them over and over again a million times. Not once did they change. They remained cruel and ugly. He wanted them so badly to be lies, but even he could not deny the inevitable truth. The one thing Squall Leonhart was most sure is that they were there. Real. Not some sick joke. Not even a ploy by her to get him to start paying attention more. Not this time. All she left was the letter and...

In his other hand he held the ring. The band of silver that forever connected them in ways no one could possibly imagine. Hard to believe so long ago it was something he did merely just to shut her up. Now, it meant so much more. More even than if he had given her an engagement ring. It signified their bond, a bond that not many beings ever have the fortune to come across in a lifetime.

And now it was all over.

_I never meant to hurt you...please don't try to come and get me..._how could she? How could she even _dare _him to have that much restraint? How could he ever put this behind him and move on? How could he stop thinking about her?

He crumbled the letter, clutched the ring in his hand until it bit into his palm. He would have to let her go. That's what she wanted. right? Even if he _wanted _to drag her back and beg her to never leave, Squall knew he could never force her to endure unhappiness. He would have to move on. What else was there to do from all this?

His eyes were shut tight. In some ways to stop the tears, in others to open them up and find that it was all some kind of nightmare.

* * *

The train's lull was soft and quiet. It was getting early, the first rays of sun slowly creeping over the horizon. Only a few hours ago had she left him, bought her ticket, and prayed he wouldn't show up at the train station and try to stop her. If he had she was sure she would have listened to him. She would have heard his apologies, more of his promises, and go back with him and try to pretend to be happy again.

Rinoa could not do it. Not this time.

Leaving was so much more than just a notion for her. She _had _to leave Garden. Had to become her own person now. Had to leave Squall and all they had been through behind. If she was being honest with herself she knew she'd never be able to do that completely. How could one forget everything they had endured together? It was impossible. That desire to go back would always be there. There was no escaping that. She knew that.

As she watched the rolling plains of Balamb disappear further and further behind her she thought back to the many times before that she had taken this journey. Back to Deling to Caraway and his tyranny, crying for a weeks before finally rushing back to Squall, so afraid that they would never recover from the last fight, only to be back on a train to continue playing out the cycle. Truthfully, she wasn't really sure this time wasn't like all the others, not when this song and dance was so familiar. For all she knew she would wake up and suddenly decide to give him another chance again, being so sure that the next time would be different.

_He'll only hurt you again. You know that. Take the hard road this time. Try to live your life. If there's anything you learned from Squall Leonhart is that you invariably come second behind his ambitions. Why in the world would he ever sabotage what he wants for you, even after all these years? It's time for you now. You...you __**can **__do this. _

"I can do this," She spoke aloud, feeling a new found determination swelling inside of her. And she would. She would do this. No matter how scared she was.

* * *

Hey guys. I myself find this to be a little shorter than how I would like a first chapter to be, but I was sick of seeing this in my files. Hope everyone enjoys nonetheless.


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